A few weeks ago my household engaged in a lively discussion of Who might endow one with the role of Pagan pope, capable of excommunicating the unfaithful. This ultimately led us to reminiscences about abuses of power, gossip and character assassination, and Witch Wars we have known and loved.

I have the dubious honor of having survived direct association with or fallout from at least five separate Witch Wars. They are bound to occur in an environment where passions exist that are as strongly held as those involving religion. When sex and politics are thrown in, fires are bound to break out. Of course, no one wins these wars. The casualties often include dignity, truth and community cohesion. The central figures may get over themselves fairly quickly, but the flames of conflict are gleefully fed long afterward by misguided "friends" and followers or, worse yet, by those who delight in grief, woe and contention.

I have begun to recognize some patterns from conflicts past. First, the initial brouhaha often centers around two relatively inexperienced but powerful people -- ones with some personal following or connections to larger groups. Second, some standard accusations will be hurled at one or both focal figure: rape or abuse (usually for men), unethical sexual practices (spouse stealing, usually for women), or practice of black magic or Satanism are the most common. Whether or not these have some basis in fact, they never have anything to do with the true origin of the conflict. The initial cause usually has to do with power struggles, sexual tension, philosophical disagreements, jealousy or simple breakdowns in communication.

Gossip campaigns begin and grow as they spread. Groups who have no personal knowledge of either person may pass the tales. The accusations will inflame emotions without anyone ever bothering to check the facts. Very often and especially if the principles are very inexperienced and have no elders to whom they can turn, the focal people will begin to suspect they are under magical attack. If you ever have the opportunity to examine the energy around these folks, you will be amazed how much "self poison" is involved in these "attacks."

In at least one case of a potential Witch War that never happened, one of the principles was so insulated by her own innocence and disinterest in conflict that she was unaware of the other principle's jealousy and rage. The final result was that the enraged individual's life began to crumble and her friends began to step back from her. The other, oblivious individual blithely carried on with her life.

Witch Wars, as silly as they may seem, can have devastating effects. They can make Pagans look ridiculous to outside observers. Through gossip, lies and half-truths they can cause genuine pain for the principles, their families and their friends. They can split the community, weakening it and preventing fellowship and cooperation.

Other religious groups have suffered from schisms arising from similar situations. The New Testament of the Christian Bible refers to conflicts over seemingly petty points. The LDS and RLDS as well as the Moslem Shiites and Sunnis have divided themselves over power struggles for succession that led to greater and worse divisions. You need not be a witch to engage in Witch Wars.

How can we avoid being sucked into them? Put outrage and righteous indignation on a back burner when you hear gossip and rumors. If you know the people involved, check the facts, suspect the motivations. If you don't know them, keep your mouth shut and mind your own business. If you pass unsubstantiated rumors, you are part of the problem.

What do you do if you find yourself in conflict with someone? Let go of the anger. It will do you more harm than someone else can do to you. Letting go of anger releases any control that person might have over you, control you have given them through your rage. Don't feed the fires of rage in others. Confide in a close friend or elder, but don't whine, complain or accuse. Never lie. Don't even exaggerate. Best of all, if you can, get on with your life. The Gods and your innocence will protect you from harm, real and imagined.

How do you avoid Witch Wars? Always strive to understand the other person's point of view. Deal with everyone with compassion, sympathy and maturity. Yes, there are some vicious jerks out there. No, you do not have to be a victim. But until there is a criminal offense that can be addressed in a court of law, cool it. Sometimes the only way to win is not to play.

The happy news is that those involved as principles in Witch Wars can mature into wise and compassionate leaders. Rumor mongers and gossips who delight in pouring gasoline on the flames eventually come to be seen for what they are, and their word is taken for what it's worth.
There are no winners of Witch Wars, but the survivors have a chance to get their priorities straight and to find out who their real friends are. Be patient. Be serene. Trust the Gods. They're willing to wait patiently until we've gotten over our little snits.